Two friends. One honest process.

Patience, not volume

After my divorce, I spent almost seven years trying to find someone to share my life with again. Like many men my age, dating apps seemed the easiest option — but they became a cycle of disappointment: endless conversations that went nowhere, profiles that weren't honest, and dates where we discovered within the first half hour that we wanted completely different things. I spent thousands of pounds on subscriptions, dinners and trips that led nowhere. More than the money, it was emotionally exhausting. I wasn't looking for casual dating. I wanted a genuine partner — someone who valued loyalty, family and building a future together.

James is a good friend of mine, and when he heard what I'd been going through, he asked if he could help — not as any kind of formal arrangement, just one friend trying to do right by another. He started by really getting to know me: my life, my values, my personality, whether I wanted children, where I hoped to live, and what I genuinely needed in a partner, not just what I found attractive.

Through people he'd come to know in Vietnam, James spoke with a small number of women who were also looking for something real and lasting — understanding what mattered to them just as carefully as he had with me, and making sure there was genuine alignment before anyone was introduced. There was no pressure to meet dozens of women. Every introduction had a reason behind it, and nobody was guessing.

Watching how carefully James handled it — for both sides, not just for me — showed me this wasn't a casual favour. It was something he clearly had a real gift for. Looking back, I think my experience helped give him the confidence to build this into something bigger. For me, that made all the difference.

"Every introduction had a reason behind it. Nobody was guessing."

A foundation before the first date

I'd been divorced for nearly six years when I finally admitted to myself that online dating simply wasn't working. Every week felt the same — hours scrolling through profiles, wondering if the photographs were recent, paying for memberships that promised better matches but delivered more disappointment. Then came the dinners and coffees with perfectly nice women where we quickly realised we wanted completely different lives. No one was wrong — it was just poor compatibility.

James is an old friend, and when I told him how worn down I'd become, he offered to help. It wasn't a business at that point — just James, wanting to see a mate happy. He wasn't interested in introducing me to as many women as possible. Instead, he wanted to understand me first: my values, personality, family, retirement plans, work, lifestyle, faith, and what kind of relationship I hoped to build over the next twenty or thirty years.

Only then did James begin speaking with women in Vietnam, through connections he'd built there — having proper conversations with them too, learning about their families, ambitions and future plans, and making sure what they wanted lined up with what I wanted. He was clear that alignment had to work both ways. When he introduced us, I knew there was already a strong foundation.

That didn't mean every introduction became a relationship, but every meeting felt worthwhile, and there was mutual respect from the beginning because we both understood why we'd been introduced. Ironically, waiting a little longer at the start saved enormous amounts of time, money and emotional energy later. Looking back, I know my experience — alongside John's — was part of what gave James the belief that this could genuinely help other people too.

"Waiting a little longer at the beginning saved enormous amounts of time, money and emotional energy later."

How Heritage Union found its purpose

I didn't set out to build a business. I set out to help two friends. Adam and John had both been through the wringer of modern dating — years of apps, wasted evenings, and the particular loneliness of putting yourself out there again and again without getting any closer to what you actually wanted. I'd known them both for years. I thought I understood them. I was wrong, or at least, I was only partly right.

When I sat down with each of them — not for a quick chat, but for real, unhurried conversations — I started noticing things. A phrase repeated a little too often. A word chosen carefully, then walked back. The way someone would describe what they wanted in a partner, then contradict it two sentences later without noticing. These weren't contradictions in a bad way — they were signs of things neither of them had fully articulated to themselves before, let alone to me. Getting past the polished answer and into the real one turned out to be the entire key. Once we found it, everything else got easier.

That process introduced me to a country and a culture I thought I already understood. I'd travelled to Vietnam many times before any of this began, and I have local friends and long-term expat friends who've made their lives there — but it became clear early on that goodwill and familiarity weren't enough. Matching two people well means understanding both sides with equal depth, and I couldn't do that alone from the other side of the world.

I realised the people we hoped to help needed someone with a foot properly in both worlds — bilingual, well-travelled, and deeply attuned to cultural nuances I could sense but not always translate. That's what led me to Huyen. Having her involved didn't just fill a gap — it changed the entire shape of what we could offer, and meant we could grow our reach across Vietnam in a way I never could have managed alone.

Looking back, helping Adam and John wasn't just the spark for Heritage Union. It was the moment I discovered a genuine passion for this work. There's something quietly extraordinary about watching two people find each other because someone took the time to understand them properly. That's the whole reason this exists.

"There's something quietly extraordinary about watching two people find each other because someone took the time to understand them properly."